The following piece is from a writing exercise. I’d love to hear some feedback. The goal of the exercise is to capture a scene, so the reader feels present within it. How did I do? Let me know in the comments. Be honest. All constructive criticism welcome!
The pain in his bladder forced him to open his eyelids. He laid, staring blurry-eyed at the bedroom ceiling, until his visioned focused. He slipped from the covers and tiptoed across the hardwood floors to the table where his cellphone was charging. Flipping the phone over, the light from the screen cast a blue hue over the bedroom. 6:39 a.m. He quickly switched off the glowing screen, as not to wake his wife, and eased his way into the hallway.
The house lay still and dark, with faint sunlight fading through the curtains. Although his body creaked and moaned, the solitude of the moment wrapped a welcoming arm around his shoulder. After a brief stop by the bathroom and making coffee, he made his way to the screened porch in the back. Clutching his prayerbook and Bible, he settled into the swing and listened to creation begin its wake-up call.
Birds warbled. Squirrels scampered. Cars hummed in the distance. The family cat met him with a glance. He soaked in the sights and sounds, appreciating each one as a gift from God. In the privacy of the early morning, he realized how much he had to be thankful for. Even if… especially if, he couldn’t sleep in on a Saturday.