I silenced my alarm and crawled back into bed. My heartbeat echoed in my head. I didn’t want to wake up, but I needed to. I planned, the night before, to get many tasks finished. My agenda was full. I wondered if all my prioritizing and planning were in vain because I wasn’t sure if I could function. There was still work to be done.
Throwing the covers back, I eased my feet to the bedroom floor and made my way to the coffeepot. Coffee would help. After sipping the smoothness of Folger’s Black Silk, my mind was still clouded, and a bit confused. My spirit was restless. What was happening? Why did I feel so blah? I assumed bacon would help, but it didn’t. It would be a long day.
As I opened my Psalms in 30 Days prayerbook, I didn’t want to pray. I fumbled through its pages, finding the passages for the day, and forced myself to pray. My spirit felt like saltine crackers, dry and bland. I questioned continuing, but I felt a need to keep pressing. I finished my morning devotional routine, and I didn’t feel any change in my soul. It would be a long day.
Still feeling overwhelmed, I stopped and took a deep, cleansing breath. I jotted down some notes in my journal. Then it hit me. God, you are present. Despite all my angst, God is always present. I took another cleansing breath and stopped all attempts at my doing and settled into being, being in God’s presence. God, I’m here, and you’re here with me.
Immediately, Paul’s words to a young pastor entered my mind, “If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for he cannot deny himself” (2 Tim 2:13). No matter how I felt, God is faithful. It doesn’t matter if I check all the items off my to-do list, God remains steadfast. He’s with me. God is always with me, whether or not I feel his presence. As I considered this truth, Peter’s inspired words surfaced in my mind, “casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you” (1 Pet 5:7). God is a very present help to his children (Ps 46:1). I pushed my agenda for the day aside and basked in this truth. The clouds of angst broke, allowing the light of God’s presence to fill me. Maybe the day wouldn’t be that long.